either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
