the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
