Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
