Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
