You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
My vagina just recognized that song.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
