can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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