he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
