Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Randomize
