do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
