..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
there was a trapeze. enough said
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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