Need sex. Gaining weight.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
