I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
