Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
