im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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