Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
