Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
