A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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