so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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