Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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