Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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