glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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