like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
