The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
