Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
