Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
We need to get me chipped asap
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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