am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
