I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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