Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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