Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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