the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
