my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
