: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
