I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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