you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
