It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Vodka?
Forever.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
