just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
