You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize