i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
