If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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