I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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