Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
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