When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
