Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
