What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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