I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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