You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
