Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
