I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
