cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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