In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
