she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
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the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
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Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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