I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
