question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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