Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
