Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
