Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
