sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
