I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
