i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
he shaved USA in his pubs
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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