You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
