awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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