I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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