She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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