there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
